Despite that sex is an integral part of romantic relationships, it’s surrounded by a lot of taboos that determine what a sexual norm is. But the thing is that actually few people understand this concept.
Almost all of us suffer from feelings of guilt or neuroses, phobias, and destructive desires, indifference, and disgust. And we’re not ready to talk about our sex life because we all want our friends and neighbors to have a positive opinion of us. Couples rarely let away their intimate fantasies because they’re afraid of being judged by their partners. Therefore, it’s so hard for us to tell those who are really dear to us about what we really want in bed. These 20 awkward sex questions will help you overcome fears and shyness and get to know each other better.
How to talk about sex with your partner
Sex isn’t always a pleasure. One possible reason for this is that we’re getting shy when it comes to discussing it. At the same time, our desires may change, just like our mood. Yesterday, you were a bold experimenter, and today, you prefer the traditional approach. Instead of guessing what your loved one wants, talk about it. A few steps will help you open up and share your desires with your partner.
Stop being shy
We’re scared of talking about sex and our preferences. We’re afraid that our companions won’t understand us or that we’ll sound strange. For many, talking about sex is a taboo learned from childhood. For others, sex is a very private matter, and it's extremely difficult to talk about it. Therefore, the first thing you should do to start a conversation is to get rid of the embarrassment. There’s nothing shameful about discussing some interesting sex questions.
To overcome the embarrassment, start a conversation with something neutral: ask if your loved one enjoyed the last time you had sex and what exactly she liked. Don’t be afraid to say ‘I want to…’ You see, it's much easier to say what you’d like to try during sex because you don’t feel embarrassed at that moment. So let your girlfriend know of your desires while having sex, and discuss them afterward.
Another big mistake is to try to explain what you want with hints. First, few people understand hints. Second, your partner can understand the hint wrong. Third, uncertainty only creates misunderstanding. Always keep in mind that your partner gets pleasure when you enjoy sex. It’s not a one-player game. So speak clearly about what you’d love to try. If you’re afraid to voice your secret desires or ask questions about sex, start with short commands: ‘turn around,’ ‘spread your legs,’ ‘don’t move,’ and so on. Think about your hidden desires
Here’s the most common sex problem: we don’t know what we want and what we like. If you’re not ready for experiments, then think about which of the classic tricks turn you on. Ask yourself a few questions.
- What kind of preliminary caress do you like?
- What positions do you like? Why them?
- What are you dreaming about?
- When you think about sex, what kind of positions or caresses do you imagine?
Most often our brain hints us at our preferences or hidden desires via sexual fantasies or erotic dreams. It’s a lot easier to say what you want if you actually know what you want.
20 awkward sex questions you’re embarrassed to ask
Now that you know how to talk about sex with your loved one, you can ask her these weird sex questions without embarrassment.
1) What do you think about our sex life?
Of course, this question is pretty philosophical, but different people have different opinions towards intimate relationships. It would be nice to clarify what you both think about sex. Is it a way to show love and affection for each other? A symbol of intimacy and affection? Maybe your main goal is to conceive? Or maybe you’re simply looking for emotional and physical relaxation after a hard day?
2) Do you mind giving me some feedback after sex?
A truly intimate relationship implies mutual trust and respect for the needs of each other. But it’s equally important to agree to comment sincerely on your sex life and suggest new approaches. If your partner knows nothing about your desires, she can hardly satisfy them, and if you don’t voice them softly enough, you risk getting a psychological trauma. You’re unlikely to be able to hide discontent for a long time if you suspect your loved one of faking orgasms. Sooner or later, negative emotions will find a way out. Agree to inform each other about any potential problem carefully so as not to hurt each other’s feelings.
3) What if I want sex, and you don’t?
This is one of the main questions to ask about sex. Often, it happens that the temperament and sexual needs of the spouses don’t match. Even if there’s total harmony in your couple, discuss your expectations and talk about what you’ll do to avoid conflicts. Agree to back each other up and always seek a compromise.
4) How often do you want to have sex?
When the romance is just beginning, hormones and mutual attraction make us want sex all the time. But when the relationship stabilizes a bit, both partners return to their usual rhythm. For example, your loved one wants sex three times a day, and you’re OK with three times a month. If you discuss this in advance, you can find alternative ways to cope with disharmony.
5) Would you like to try something really dirty?
The opportunity to speak frankly about what you’d like to try in bed is a sign of a trusting relationship. When it comes to sex, personal questions shouldn’t be a taboo. Maybe, you’ll feel more comfortable not asking them directly but via a text message or something.
6) Where should I stop? What are your taboos?
Many couples like experiments, but at the same time, they may have different boundaries of what’s permissible. Be sure to talk about where each of you draws a red line: what you definitely like, what you’re willing to try, and what makes you feel awful.
7) Do you mind if I give your vag a name?
Even if you both prefer to have sex in silence, you won’t be able to do it completely without words. But some words can greatly reduce the degree of passion (if they’re too funny or offensive), so it’s better to agree in advance on what names you’re giving to the parts of your loved one’s body.
8) What’s your favorite method of protection?
Among all sex questions to ask your girlfriend, this one is probably the most polite. But actually, when it comes to protection, you should discuss everything seriously. In addition, despite tons of information available online, many still seem to live in the Stone Age and believe that, for example, a girl can’t get pregnant when she’s on her period. Maybe your partner knows something you don’t.
9) Can I count on sex if we have a fight?
Many couples believe that sex immediately after a fight spices up their intimate life. Some think that the sensations are much more vivid, while for others, sex on the background of unsolved problems is unacceptable, as it can’t bring any pleasure and spoils the mood completely. To avoid confusion, make sure that you and your partner have found a common ground on this issue.
10) Do you have any sex toys?
That’s not the worst thing to discuss. There are more embarrassing sex questions to ask a girl, so brace yourself. On the one hand, erotic outfits and toys can make your sex life much brighter. On the other, some guys get furiously mad having found a dildo in their girlfriends’ bedside table, and some sexy costumes look so hilarious that cause nothing but laughter. You should discuss role-playing games, as well as sex toys: this will help you make sure that you’re both ready for them.
11) Do you have any complexes about your vagina?
You won’t find a woman that would be 100% satisfied with her body and confident in her sexuality. But if you have to put limitations on your sex life just because your partner thinks she’s not good enough, it will harm the relationship. It’s unlikely that your girlfriend will talk about her complexes herself, while her behavior in bed may make you think that you’re a bad lover. In this case, you need to have a frank chat with your partner and discuss her complexes.
12) We haven’t had sex for a long time. Are you OK with that?
Sometimes sex disappears from a couple’s life for a long time. It doesn’t matter whether it happened suddenly or gradually, you should find out why it happened, if both of you are OK with that, and what to do if you’re not. As a rule, there’s an objective reason for the lack of sex: health problems, constant fatigue, depression, and so on. In any case, you need to discuss everything sincerely, find the root of the problem together, and decide what you can do to solve it (perhaps, with the help of a psychologist or sexologist).
13) Are you OK with the size of my penis?
If guys weren’t so concerned with their penises, there wouldn’t be so many sex survey questions concerning the optimal penis size. Men often wonder if their penises are big enough. Big enough for what? Remember that girls scream from pleasure not because your penis is huge but because you know how to use it. Experiment with positions. Experience is much more important than size.
14) Do you know where your G spot is?
All guys want to know where the G spot is. According to a common assumption, if this spot exists, it’s located on the front wall of the female womb and is slightly harder and more ribbed than the surrounding tissue. At the same time, the sensations from stimulating this spot are different from woman to woman. In addition, every girl has her own body structure.
15) What can I do to help you reach orgasm?
This is one of the universal sex questions for couples, as we all want to know how to help our loved ones reach the peak of sensations. Experts advise asking our partner about it directly.
16) What do you need to be ready for sex and want it?
You may know little about your partner and her physical abilities even if you’ve been dating for a while. Therefore, it would be nice to find out when she might want sex without feeling any discomfort. Ask neutral questions to find out her needs and desires more accurately.
17) How many guys have you slept with?
Few girls would confess that they had more than one or two lovers. So there’s a chance that you won’t get an honest answer. But if you manage to convince her that you don’t care how many guys she’s slept with, she may tell you the truth. By the way, it’s also one of the sex questions to ask a guy. The only difference is that guys don’t mind telling how many partners they had.
18) Do you mind having sex when you’re on your period?
Some guys are OK with having sex with the girl while she’s on her period. But the thing is that not all girls like such idea.
19) Have you ever had a lover, whose penis was bigger than mine?
Your girlfriend won’t like this question at all, but if you want to know the answer so much that you can’t sleep at night, feel free to ask. But make sure you’re really ready to hear the answer because you may not like it.
20) Who broke your virginity?
Some girls can freely discuss such things, while others might be embarrassed to hear questions like this. But if you’ve been together for some time, there’s nothing wrong about asking who was her first lover.