Age Gap in Marriage: Everything You Wanted to Know
If you look around and investigate the families of your colleagues, friends, acquaintances, you will see that one of the partners, as a rule, is 3-5 years older than the other. Many people are convinced that this is the perfect age difference between a man and a woman. However, in reality, this is just statistics. In real life, relationships are much more diverse and interesting, and the age gap dating no longer surprises anyone.
The stereotype that falling in love with someone who is as old as your parent is terrible seems to have sunk into oblivion. And age-gap couples are today common things although not everyone still understands how it is possible. However, true love knows no conventions or age limits. No one says that if you fall in love with a mature person, all your troubles will disappear and all the life problems will be solved. Age differences in marriages mean you will have to work twice as much as other couples but, as practice shows, most of the difficulties in relationships with a large age difference are quite surmountable. The only thing needed to get over them are your desire and true love. If you are interested in what the peculiarities of dating a person not your age are and how to cope with arising difficulties seamlessly, read below.
Does the age difference matter in relationships and marriage?
Usually, a big age difference between partners is perceived by society negatively, people think that these relationships are based on money hunger, inheritance pursuit, and other material resources. Most often we believe that 15-20 years old is a huge insurmountable gap not only for an intimate life but also for relationships outside the bed. Nevertheless, history knows various cases of happy love affairs that erupted between a man and a woman with a huge difference in age.
For example, the union of two loving hearts of Salvador Dali and Gala who went beyond the usual framework: she was 12 years older than him, refined, restrained, and educated. He was an extravagant young man with terrible manners and stupid laughter who did not want to just meet single girls his age. For the sake of their crazy love, Gala left everything and moved from Paris to a tiny house in the Spanish wilderness. There she inspired Dali and protected their love until her death - the marriage lasted 53 years. Later Salvador Dali said: "I learned how to wield a brush only because I was too afraid to touch Gala's face."
So, is it really worth focusing on the numbers in the passport and social stereotypes, bending under other people’s opinion? Psychologists claim that the average age gap in marriage and the perfect difference in age for a couple is up to ten years, due to the fact that women develop faster. By this time, men are becoming wiser, react to the difference between female and male psychic organization not so emotionally, are able to compromise. But the larger the “gap”, the greater is the difference between interests, sexual libido, attitude to family values, and life in general.
Which age difference is the most common?
Age difference from 1 to 3 years is the most common. This slight difference is already introducing its own characteristics. In a young couple, the girl feels more adult, so she usually takes on the role of the main in the family. Such a union will be harmonious if a man agrees to be led. But relationships can be easily spoiled by financial difficulties if both young people do not have experience in earning money, so can sexual disharmony if a girl is under 25 years old.
Age difference from 4 to 6 years. These couples are also very common, especially between people who are more mature and older as such. Marriages of this type are considered strong, and even if the couple gets a divorce, they usually maintain good communication or friendship for many years, although the man may find a new single girl online. The difference in age is offset by respect and the desire to understand an older (or younger) partner.
Age difference from 7 to 9 years. This is a calm and harmonious relationship. But such couples are not too common, as their life cycles do not converge.
Age difference from 10 to 13 years. A complex combination, where there are many emotions and many differences. Such marriages are interesting, but divorces are rather frequent. There are just too many of them. Keeping a relationship from breaking up can be a common goal or become a boring hobby.
Age difference from 15 to 20 years. This is rare but in most cases a very successful, promising combination. Such couples usually maintain a tender relationship until their they get very old. They always have something to talk about and something to keep quiet about. But hurrying up and choosing a partner much older is not worth it. Of course, love with a large age difference has a special magic, if it arises, then, as a rule, it is very strong. As there are many differences, partners are literally from different generations, such unions will last if they happen to two mature people who meet each other when they both know what they want from life.
Age difference over 20 years. Such age gap love examples are found among successful and extraordinary people. There is spiritual ground for them. If none of the spouses has special content that creates favorable conditions for relations, then divorce is guaranteed.
Typical problems of an age gap marriage
Almost always, a relationship with a difference in age is a union of the strong, successful person and their young, inexperienced or weak partner who are ready to get inspired and more experienced. And this is not commercialism. This is a prerequisite for a harmonious relationship.
If the older partner has not achieved anything in life by mature years, then it will be difficult to achieve mutual understanding even with an average age gap in marriage as the younger partner will always perceive their beloved as the dominating one. A younger partner will definitely dream, strive to do something new, want to change and try to reach great heights.
An older one should adapt and stay more adventurous, only in this case both partners will be in benefit. Because in a couple consisting of peers or people with a small age difference, lovers dream together, make plans together, and are disappointed in them together. Yes, they make mistakes but they gain experience while in great age gap relationships, a wiser partner should prevent their beloved from mistaking, share the experience so that they move at the same pace. What are other difficulties that people dating with age difference meet?
Public disapproval. Your friends, his friends, and even people in the registry office. They will all look at your couple with suspicion. Public opinion is perhaps the worst enemy you have to face. There can only be one piece of advice: do not care what others have to say or think. If you truly love a person, the opinion of others shouldn’t matter to you. True friends will certainly support and accept your choice, and those who won’t are not worth worrying about. In the end, this is not your friend, parent or a random stranger on the street who will live with your beloved, only you should listen to your heart and follow whether you personally feel happy.
What is more, after forty years of age, many men look even better than they did in their younger years and dating a woman 10 years younger is no big deal for them. Remember that your choice is your choice, and no one has the right to judge you. Another thing is the attitude of your parents towards this marriage. As experience shows, the percentage of parents who approve of their child entering an age gap marriage is very small. In fact, your father and mother are not at all your enemies of, they sincerely wish you happiness. And it seems to them that you just can't be making the right decision by marrying someone who is significantly younger or older. Try to convince them that this particular person is your destiny. And yes, you should be sure of that yourself. It may not be easy to convince, but sooner or later looking at how happy you are, they will understand everything and accept your choice, because they love you very much.
In addition, parents may be skeptical of any of your chosen one. Your business is to prove to them that you were not mistaken with the choice, and dating a man 10 years younger or older is a normal thing.
Differences in intimate preferences. There are various advantages in dating a young person, and there is no point in arguing here. But in marriage, this can play a bad joke. The physical activity of the older partner may be less than the activity of a young one. And as soon as a person begins to feel a lack of attention in intimate life, evil thoughts involuntarily begin to visit their head and not only the difference in frequency of sex but its quality can cause serious disharmony.
Up to 25-30 years old female libido only wakes up. While men at this age experience the peak of sexual activity. From 25-30 to 45-47, male sexuality is gradually declining, and female sexuality is gradually increasing. After 50, women experience a sharp decline in needs, and after 60, the vast majority of the fair sex almost stops leading their sex life. Men retain sexual needs until old age. Therefore, sexologists recommend mature people who are in search of a partner to choose a partner older/younger than themselves for a harmonious life.
Having kids may become a problem. Be prepared for the fact that the adult kids of your chosen one will not be delighted that the new stepmother/stepfather is a couple of years younger than their own one. However, it all depends on how often and how closely the children communicate with their parent. Perhaps they have their separate lives and will not interfere with your relationships. In this case, you can live happily on your own and even plan another child, provided that the woman is younger than the man or still in childbearing age.
However, problems in communication with children from a previous relationship can arise regardless of the age of your chosen one. The key point here is to find a personal approach and either treats the child as your own and loves them or let them live their life.
Mismatch in interests is possible in the future. Common interests are an insidious thing. The fact that you are interested in several different things can become clear almost immediately, or maybe only after a few years of living together. You want to go to a club or a cinema, and your partner wants to go outside the city to nature. You have been dreaming of inviting the friends over for two months but your beloved wants to spend Saturday night in the company of each other.
But peers may have different interests. If you want to build a strong family, you have to learn to give in. At least sometimes. This is the psychology of relationships, not only with a big difference in age.
It is always harder for women. If a man gets married another time after a divorce, starts a new life or simply finds a new love represented by a younger beautiful girl, no one will frown upon him. For women, starting over new relationships is always harder. In a couple with a younger man, they will have to share their experience, substitute him a mother that he may have had problems within childhood, stay beautiful and support a beloved financially. If we talk about a young girl entering into a relationship with a considerably older partner, this union will face social judgment. People will still treat as a way to avoid life troubles and stay safe in a relationship with someone who is wiser, stronger and richer. In all cases, love wins as it has no age, think about what you think in the first place and no matter how much prejudice you meet, remember that you chose to be happy with a person you love.
Main rules of age gap relationships
When choosing consciously to seek a partner that is younger or older, remember that you will face certain difficulties in building strong relationships between you. Such couples work twice as much to focus on the positive sides of each other and let all offends or arguments go away. You can never know who you will fall in love with. But if you feel that you need a partner of a specific age, age gap dating sites will come in handy. And before making steps towards building love with a person who is not your peer, take the next tips into account.
1. Age is only a number and nothing more. You should learn that even the biggest age gap in marriage is just a number. You may be 21, but you can act like a 30-year-old. It all depends on your personality and the identity of your partner. Do not attach importance to the difference in age, remember, this all limits and prejudices are in our head and have been imposed on us by society.
2. Realize the difference between generations. If your partner is 10-15 years older, you may run into the problem of the generation gap. To avoid misunderstanding, always try to step into each other’s shoes. Perceive a situation as your partner would do it because time passes and the world changes. What was ok in your youth may no longer be fashionable today and vice versa.
3. Focus on common interests. Have you ever wondered why you are dating a person who is not your age? Perhaps you have many common interests with them and there are certain traits that you admire this person for. Focus on what makes you closer and laugh at your imperfections.
4. Keep this relationship only if you have good reasons. Remember, never date a person just for the sake of personal profit. Even if they are rich and wealthy, this is simple using of another person that violates all norms of propriety. This is wrong and unfair to your partner. In addition, in the end, you will get tired of such a relationship and the truth will be revealed.
5. Treat relationships like any other ones. If you have a big age difference with your partner, this does not mean that you have any special kind of relationship. This is not an obstacle; you are the same as other couples, visit dates, go to holidays, walk holding hands and cherish your love no matter what others think.
6. Make sure your feelings are strong. A person must be confident not only in the feelings of a partner but also on their own. Feelings are especially important in relationships with a big difference in age. If you have strong feelings, no doubt, you will cope with all the obstacles in your path and live happily together, so ask yourself why are you really with this person.
7. Find support. If your beloved is much older than you, do not think that having a relationship with them is wrong. Find support from loved ones, relatives, friends or colleagues who will support your relationship. It will be much easier for you when there are understanding people around and you can ask your older friends for advice on how to deal with someone of their age as well.
8. Be confident. Another important thing in such relationships is to be confident in your choice. If you love a person much older than you, do not be shy about it. Only you have the right to decide who to date and who to love. Be confident and listen to your heart.
9. Think of the offsprings. If the age difference between the lovers is too big, it can become a hindrance for giving birth to another child. Now we are talking about cases when a woman is older. Discuss in advance whether you want a small kid and if you are able to provide a newborn financially.
10. Discuss your motives. Before you start a relationship with a person who is much older (or younger) than you, make a thorough analysis of your own motives and then make your partner aware of what you expect to form this relationship. Sure, love does not depend on age, but people often take the passion that passes through 2-3 years for this amazing feeling. What will you do when you marry and realize that feelings have already worn away?
There various difficulties about dating with an age gap. For example, a young woman marries a wealthy man but wants to build her career. It is important that the future husband lets her do this. Or a young man spent his whole life with his mother and is not familiar with everyday difficulties. If he is going to marry a woman older than himself, it is likely she will not be able to take care of her young husband because she was not planning to substitute his mother. So, there various pitfalls about age difference marriage but true love is what still keeps people together. It is love that forces people to make the final decision no matter what other people are, what are the social standards and how risky it seems at the beginning.