Dating Someone Depressed: How to Help and Understand
When one of the partners experience depression, it’s hard for both of them. Dreary days come, each of which brings new sadness and may become the last for these relationships. But if you stop shaming your partner for a depressed mood and try to help, the depression will recede and your relationships will only get stronger.
The word “depression” is used everywhere nowadays. In fact, when a true depression happens to your loved one, it becomes not funny at all but rather frightening. You see the changes that are happening to your partner: nothing pleases him or her, nothing surprises, your loved one can lie in bed all day, doesn’t care about your conversations and attempts to entertain. And you just burst from the influx of thoughts and emotions. Aren’t you the cause of depression? Is relationship over? How long will this continue and how to help?
Signs of depression in your partner: how to recognize the problem in advance
Depression can “cover” a person for many reasons: illness or death of loved ones, bad health, problems at work, and difficulties with relatives or friends, etc. So, what are the signs of depression? We note the main ones:
- It seems to you that your soul mate takes offense without reason, closes from you and doesn’t want to communicate.
- A person often has a bad mood. A woman can smile, but she becomes sad after a few minutes.
- You often hear the statements like “I want to do nothing”, “I don’t know why I live”, “I don’t know what to do in this life”, “Everything doesn’t make sense, everything is useless”, “I’m fed up with everything”, etc.
There are a number of situations when depression “comes out” and shows itself in all its glory. Most often this is facilitated by:
- Hormonal changes (a hormonal imbalance in the body or changes associated with the menstrual cycle. This is about signs of depression in women).
- A disease or poor physical condition.
- Failures at work, in relationships. Especially when there are a lot of quarrels in a relationship.
- Problems in dealing with friends, relatives, colleagues, with a loved one.
- Emotional stress associated with some life circumstances (accidents, swearing in the crowd, insults by somebody, and so on).
- Holidays! It is strange enough, but according to statistics, 86% of women sum up the results before the New Year and birthday of what they have by this time in comparison with what was planned, what they dreamed about. If there are problems in a relationship with a loved one, or a girl has not yet found “her man”, then her experiences will be especially strong on the eve of Valentine’s Day. This can be considered warning signs of depression as well.
- Alcoholic intoxication. In this state, all inner “demons” come out.
So, by all signs, you have come to the conclusion that your partner is depressed. It seemed that you tried to find out many times what the problem was, tried to distract your loved one, brought positive thoughts, even gave gifts and cooked a delicious dinner by yourself, but nothing helped. The next step is the real help.
How to help someone who is depressed: should we call the doctor?
If your loved person is suffering from depression, it is quite difficult to solve this problem, and such a situation can also cloud your feelings. You are bound to help your significant other, but be careful because your oversight can aggravate the state of things. If you don’t know how to help a depressed girlfriend, the following tips are just for you.
Offer a loved one to visit specialists
Determine if your loved one needs professional help. Before trying to solve the problem on your own, you have to understand that depression poses a big threat. You, of course, can help a partner, but it is advisable to consult with a psychiatrist. There are several categories of therapists, each with different skills and specializing in various diseases. Such specialists are divided into psychotherapists, clinical psychologists, and psychiatrists. You can contact several doctors at once.
Call for help immediately if your loved one wants to commit suicide. If she wants to end her life, then immediately call the emergency service or take her to the nearest first aid station.
Talk to the loved one
You have to start a frank conversation. You have to do it even if your soul mate doesn’t want to talk, asks to leave her alone, says that everything is all right. You know that something is wrong with this person! You know that your loved one wants someone to help her, listen to and prompt the way out. Tell your girlfriend how much you care about her and how her happiness is important to you; tell her that you are ready to do everything to help – she just needs to open to you and tell you what upsets and worries her. This stage is the most important and the most difficult, but it is necessary!
After you have heard the list of problems, you must take on the role of the person who can solve them. But you have to solve them in her head. How to do this? It’s simple. You, as an outsider, can look at the problems soberly. What problems can be solved? In fact, almost all problems can be solved. You both should write down main problems on a piece of paper. Imagine that at this moment you are the creators of life. You both have to believe that everything will come true.
Don’t be aggressive. Don’t forget that your loved one has an emotional problem, and she is very hurting at the moment. Although it is important to be firm in your arguments, don’t be too pushy at the initial stage. Don’t start a conversation with: “You’re depressed. How can we solve this problem?” Instead of it, you can say this: “I noticed that you have recently been in a bad mood. What do you think is happening to you?” Be patient. Sometimes it takes a girl some time to open up to you. So wait as long as she needs. Don’t let her get mad and stop talking.
Assure her that life gives success to those who think positively and act creatively. Now your girlfriend has to transform all her problems into positive desires.
Be ready to support your woman
You need a real plan. The most important thing in this plan is to stick to the possibilities and be guided by the girl’s desires when choosing methods to achieve her goals. Every person who is on the way out of depression has to know that goals and desires are not life but results. And life is just the way to these goals. Therefore, this way is the most important thing.
So, you have planned everything. She will necessarily have all this. She just has to try to understand that everything is in her hands. Tell her that you will support and help her if necessary. It is important for her to feel that she is not alone at this moment. This is how to help someone not to feel depressed.
And now the most important thing is to switch her attention. Give her some time to comprehend the received information. You can go to the cinema, go for a walk or just have sex.
Dating someone who is depressed: 5 things to consider
1. Don’t blame a person for getting into such a state
Believe me, she would be glad to get rid of all negative thoughts and begin to enjoy life, but she can’t. Why? This has to be clarified: often people who suffer from depression hide the cause of its occurrence inside. These may be doubts about the devotion of a loved one, and conflicts at work, and dissatisfaction with one’s own appearance, and even experiences brought from childhood. So, dating a depressed girl, your task is to gently and unobtrusively find out the cause of the experiences of a loved one and help her to eliminate it. Unfortunately, sometimes this can’t be done without resorting to the help of a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist.
2. A depressed person is not a psycho
There is a stereotype in many countries that such people are crazy. But all celebrities regularly visit psychotherapists probably not because they are all patients of the mental hospital. Often we just need to speak out, ask the opinion of a person from outside who doesn’t use our confidential story for mercenary purposes. Such people are the best help for a depressed woman. These professionals will listen carefully to her story and try to help her without resorting to medications.
3. Dating a depressed woman, you have to set an example of a positive person
A person in a state of depression, as a rule, is extremely non-initiative and indifferent. So, a lot of things depend on your imagination. Go out together, change the environment more often, eat sweets and watch only comedies or even cartoons, make plans for the future, give each other gifts and surprises or even go skydiving. Don’t be discouraged if your depressed partner perceives everything rather indifferently. Over time, the smile and shining eyes will return under the influence of impressions and positive emotions and you will feel like a winner.
4. You shouldn’t take the symptoms of depression at your own expense
Most of the symptoms of depression may make your couple a complete antipode of a happy union. The perception of a reality is distorted in the person in depression: even positive and joyful moments are represented to her if not in black then exactly in gray color. We almost always take the constant bad mood of a loved one at our own expense. We begin to feel that we are the cause of the depressed state. A depressed person just can’t behave as usual, especially with close people who know her thoroughly. However, a depressed girl can pretend that everything is good while she is among strangers. So, dating someone who is depressed, you need to understand that the reason is not you.
5. Depression is a disease, not a whim!
Depressed people perceive the world a little differently, through the prism of their illness. They just can’t force themselves to smile, care, do daily chores, work, and see the good around. Negative emotions that are accompanied by depression weigh upon a person and just break him or her.
Depression is like glasses that transform the whole surrounding world into dark colors, emphasize all the bad things, especially what is in a person. That is why many of our phrases that we use dating a depressed person can worsen his or her condition. So, you should be very careful on this issue.
Russian women face this mental disorder very often as they are very sensitive and emotional. Your girlfriend may deny that she is depressed. In this case, don’t put pressure on her. Just try to be always near her. After a while, your girlfriend will understand that you can be trusted. She will tell you about her problems. Love, care, support – that’s what a depressed person needs. Help your loved one, show your attention, and give love!