Today we will discuss the topic of how to bring passion back into a relationship. The importance of passion in a relationship cannot be exaggerated. Lack of passion in a relationship leads to it becoming a struggle, rather than a thing that two people should enjoy. To have no passion in a relationship is to waste each other’s time. Lots of people don’t know how to show passion in a relationship, and this is one of the main reasons why this is such a big problem and lots of people out there need solutions to it. If you feel like you’ve lost passion in a relationship this article will be just for you. To know how to bring passion back into your marriage let’s define what this word means.
What Is Passion in a Relationship?
Psychologists and philosophers of modern times describe passion as a powerful outburst of feelings that prevails over the mind and actions of a person. True, they are convinced that it is a neutral emotion, and only the one who experiences it is able to give this feeling a positive or negative tint.
The fact is that a person engulfed in this feeling goes through lots of strong emotions like joy, anxiety, anticipation, expectation, and sometimes doubt. These feelings lead to the fact that an individual begins to behave in a certain way inadequately, in other words, they commit acts that others will consider rash or simply stupid. This happens due to the release of hormones in the body: serotonin, endorphin, and neurotrophins.
As noted earlier, passion often acts as a destructive feeling. But one is able to turn negative energy into positive. So, for example, psychologists offer to start developing during such situations. It is worth doing what you have long been dreaming of, but you did not dare to do for one reason or another, for example, to start learning a foreign language or go traveling. This process of learning or traveling can get you really involved, shift your mind and, as a result, learn new things and get new knowledge. However, one does not always have enough self-control and strength to independently control their will, initially experiencing passion and craving other things.
Yeah, the concept of this feeling has several meanings, but most people identify it exclusively with sexual arousal towards a partner or even with love.
However, psychologists deny the identification of the concepts like "love" and "passion," and the majority oppose them altogether. They are convinced that alliances built on sexual attraction are selfish, unlike love. Each partner, male or female, pursues their goal in such an alliance by using a partner.
Passion acts like a drug. Scientists have even set a deadline for such an alliance, and it's about two years. Over time, it begins to decline steadily, and old feelings gradually disappear.
Can a Relationship Survive Without Passion?
In 1986, American psychologists proposed a three-component love theory. In their opinion, love has these components: intimacy, passion, commitment. Ideally, all of them are necessary for long-lasting full-fledged marital relationships. This is perfect love. Sure enough, all people strive exactly for it, but not everyone is able to achieve it.
First, quite often at the beginning of love, we can observe that people, driven by desire, mutual attraction, feelings of affection, mutual exchange and care, are ready to commit themselves to bigger things. We believe that this is a state in which people decide to create a family. But then everything happens in different ways. Some couples manage to keep this ratio for life.
But alas, there are not too many of them. One (or more) of them is almost guaranteed to fail and collapse all the mechanism of love. Passion is the motivational component of every alliance. It includes lust, sexual desire, and behavior. In a sense, it is like a drug; making a certain effect and being a source of pleasure, it can cause an insatiable hunger for pleasure. However, one should know that this emotion can be wider than sexuality. This is some kind of obsession and may include ecstasy by power and other strong emotions. As a rule, the feeling goes along with a desire for closeness and gives rise to lust and thirst for intercourse. There are exceptions. One may encounter situations when passion is not accompanied by lust, and vice versa the latter can exist without passion. Unfortunately, current trends in social consciousness, which recognize and often promote “sex without responsibility,” and sexual contacts as short-term connections devalue the need for sex in long-term relationships.
Why Passion Subsides: Reasons and Causes
In order to find out how to put passion back into your marriage, one should know the main reasons why they have lost in the first place.
1. Consider whether you still treat the mistakes and shortcomings of your companion with a smile, whether their strengths still are more prominent than their weaknesses. If every single action they do makes you sick, and you aren't used to even thinking about getting positive emotions from such an alliance, then your feelings are gone.
2. You suddenly become too honest and tough-talking. You openly declare that a new project of your companion is terrible, and their dreams will never come true, and the clothes they’ve recently bought make them look much older. Outspokenness is good but think about why your frankness is rather rude than objective.
3. Figure out whether a partner’s behavior, habits, and appearance still seem cute and beautiful to you. Is there any condition under which you would have sex with them? Do you get the sense that they are disgusting to look at? Needless to say, the feelings are gone from such a relationship.
4. There is no sense of sexual appetite towards your companion, while you try to avoid even the simplest of contacts with them. There is no excitement, there is no time during a day in which you would think about your companion and get horny. This is quite telling of the state of your alliance.
How to Rekindle the Passion in a Relationship
Let’s look at a few rules on how to bring passion back into a marriage.
1. It is hard to build a strong alliance without talking heart to heart. Probably, you talked a lot to each other during the last quarrel, but just try to have a calm and rational discussion. Try to calmly and frankly talk about your feelings, and it may turn out that there is no serious conflict in sight.
2. If your alliance is really meaningful to you, you want things to get better, think of concessions on your part. The ability to find compromises is one of the components on which serious alliances are held. If you love them and consider them to be crucial to your life, don’t be so principled, just give in to what is really paramount for them and will not cause you any physical or moral inconvenience.
3. Are there any problems that bother you both? Talk and decide once and for all the rules of the joint future. Spread out responsibilities and try to follow the agreement that you have established.
4. Try to look at the situation through their eyes. Identify the exact things that offended them to the point that you need help in rebuilding your alliance. Perhaps you are the one to blame, maybe you should apologize or ask for forgiveness? Having decided to continue your alliance, agree on how you will sort things out in the future.
Rules of Disagreements:
When answering the question, “How to get passion back in a relationship,” it’s necessary to mention that the way in which you have disagreements is vital.
- Don’t swear and have disagreements in public, there is no need to give in to feelings and try to solve anything out there, it never ends with anything productive.
- So that you don’t have to restore relations in the future, one must agree to calmly talk in advance on what you do and don’t like, until there is a conflict over this. One side makes claims, and the other accepts them without unnecessary insults, you should look for a solution to every problem together.
- Inform your companion on what it is absolutely unacceptable. State the actions and deeds you will not be able to forgive. This should be done by your companion as well.
- If you live together, make it a tradition to have calm conversations about problematic things before going to bed. And even if you’ve had a disagreement, don’t just run away to your parents, but jointly try to improve relationships.
Phased Recovery of Love:
If you still don’t know how to get passion back in your marriage, there are 4 stages of such recovery.
Stage 1. First, decide what caused your separation. If this happened because of your feelings, then now you need to work a lot on yourself. Carefully examine yourself, what you feel now. After all, if you have made the mistake, what guarantees that it will not happen again? If a spouse has initiated the breakup, the situation is more complicated. Then you do not always know what to do next. People, in this case, are often afraid to do anything at all. It is not clear what other people want from love. It is necessary to reflect on and draw conclusions.
Stage 2. It is not recommended to immediately rush to correct a situation, impose your solution on your companion. It should take some time. The period depends on a person. Sometimes, it should take at least 2-3 months, sometimes six months or a year, and in some cases even more. Recognize the fact that you cannot try to return love to its initial state after a serious breakup.
Stage 3. After a certain time, you need to look for the right moments to correspond. You can lose a chance if you do not try to make contact and see each other. If you have mutual friends, try to arrange a meeting with their help. If there are no such friends, arrange a “random” meeting in the place where your partner is supposed to be.
Stage 4. If you’ve already started communicating with your ex-spouse, do not be persistent. Do not offer to immediately restore your love. Maintain a friendly attitude and have fun. And if you both have any love left, then, believe me, you will be together again. Restoring a broken alliance is not always easy. Therefore, gather all of your strength and patience.