How to Stop Being a Clingy Boyfriend
What Does Clingy Mean
What does it mean to be clingy? Being clingy means to abuse the time, attention and trust of other people. And many people are forced to endure an obsessive person, especially if it is their close one, because they do not want to offend him/her, although this is not right. Being clingy is a serious relationship problem. If you spend every second of every day thinking about your girlfriend, then you are obsessed. If you cannot live a day without seeing her, or a few hours without calling her, you endanger your relationship, you are becoming neurotic. You must understand that the end of the world will not come if you do not talk to your girlfriend this very minute. For couples, it's quite normal to spend time apart. It is even great. I cannot think of anyone who would benefit from being a clingy person other than a sales manager. No one likes clingy people. So, now we know the definition, but let’s ask ourselves a question, “Am I being too clingy?”
Why Am I so Clingy?
Do you notice yourself being obsessed with your russian girlfriend? Are you afraid that you can destroy your relationship with the woman you love because you can't stop being obsessed with her? This can happen even with the best of boyfriends. A smart, beautiful man, with whom it is easy to have a good time, can just as easily break a relationship if he becomes too intrusive, overly curious and annoying. If this sounds like you, it's time to wake up before you lose the girl of your dreams. But if you suffer from such a disadvantage as being Clingy, you must understand that patience is never infinite, it has its limits, and some day she will tell you that she does not want to communicate with you anymore.
The essence of obsession. But why are people clingy? A clingy person is one who forcibly, without asking for permission, wastes someone else's time, attention, energy. And note that nobody likes this! And a self-respecting person will always try to avoid further communication with a clingy person, or at least severely limit it. And sometimes obsession can even lead to hatred and disgust! One of the reasons for being clingy is energy vampirism, when a person just needs an energy recharge to feel good. You sat down with her, loading her up with pointless things, stupid dialogue, conversations that do not go anywhere. And the girl went home with a headache, squeezed like a lemon.
There are other reasons for annoying behavior and being clingy, for example, when a person has a great need for communication, but at the same time he is absolutely inattentive to others, and does not know when to stop. That is, he does not have a sense of tact. Or when a person impudently applies obsession as a method to get what he wants, just forcing whatever he wants out of a person by being so obnoxious. All this is not very good, to put it mildly, and it isn’t a good way to carry your relationship forward. These are dark methods of getting what you want and satisfying your selfish needs, which end up pitifully. In the end, whether you did it purposefully or not, people will turn away from you. Before we go any further answering the question of “how to not be so clingy”, let’s see if you are a clingy person. Maybe there isn’t anything to worry about.
Signs of Being Clingy
So, what does clingy mean to a guy? The following are the signs of being clingy:
- If you notice that people around you avoid communicating with you, then something does not suit them. Think about it: aren’t you too annoying? Do you distract a person with empty talk from important matters? After all, sociability and being clingy are different things. And the fact of your friendship does not mean that you can poke your nose everywhere. Many people have enough short-term communication, or they are just busy and due to elementary politeness, they cannot ask you not to bother them with questions. Therefore, they avoid meeting with you, and at some point, they will completely abandon you.
- If you ask a question, and the woman responds evasively, do not insist on an answer. Perhaps she is just not ready to voice it now. Or she does not want to tell you about something. And this is her right. In order not to be intrusive, stand aside and wait for your friend to offer to continue the conversation on the topic of your interest.
- It is especially important to know how to stop being clingy when dealing with young people. Men are hunters by their nature. They are more interested in seeking a woman, rather than patiently waiting for her. Female partners of clingy boyfriends suffer from always being controlled, which is harmful when you are young. The blood is pumping through your heart for adventures and new experiences. Many boyfriends do not know when to stop. To give an occasional call to your girlfriend is necessary and all that, but it is harmful if you call her for no reason, many times a day, too many to be rational and just enough to be annoying. Put yourself in her shoes: do you think you would enjoy someone calling you every hour when you are busy with work or whatever it is you are doing, and someone is bothering you about every single smallest thing there is to mention.
- Even the closest people - parents, sisters, brothers – have their limits in terms of communication. Do not insist on talking if the person is not ready for it. If you see that her heart is heavy, ask if you can help with something. If the answer is no, do not impose yourself on her. Sometimes it is better to go through the problems alone. But at the same time, do not be too ignorant. You have to help the person in need, but only if she asks for it. Again, everything in life should be done in moderation, remember this and never forget it.
- If your girlfriend is distressed or alarmed, it is natural to ask her what happened and offer her help. However, do not insist. If you see that the person is not in the best of moods to talk with you, then just leave. So, how to stop being so clingy?
How to Not Be Clingy in a Relationship
Some men in love want to spend as much time with their girlfriends as possible. They want to hang out and communicate with them as much as possible. But there is a fine line, stepping over which you turn into an annoying boy from whom she wants to escape. How to stop being clingy? – it is very important to be able to show your love but know the limits. What does clingy mean in a relationship? It is when you plan her life. Don’t do it. If you are going to meet at the weekend, ask her opinion on this in advance. After all, she may have made a promise to her friends to spend some time together, or maybe she has an appointment, and your sudden offer will knock her out of it, putting her in an awkward situation. Even if she will prefer her friends to you, do not be upset and understand - she also has the right to choose. Show that you are not offended and do not hold any grudges.
How to stop being a clingy boyfriend? Do not control her every step. Stop calling her every hour with the question “where and with whom are you?”, do not arrange interrogations after she comes late. Learn to trust her and let her do her favorite things when she comes home. In no case should you read her smartphone or social networks correspondence. The most unsuccessful decision will be the pursuit of a loved one, constant phone calls and text messages, chat conversations and even insults if the girl did not answer immediately. Be able to respect the privacy of another person. Give her the right to have free time from you. If a woman feels like she is on a leash, it is almost inevitable that she will try to dump you for being too clingy. Of course, it is necessary to show attention to your beloved, but just enough so that it does not irritate her. The need to constantly make excuses and prove your love can lead to the fact that you will become too obsessed with doing so and being too afraid of losing her, while, in fact, your relationship is completely fine. You are overthinking it.
One of the most important aspects of how to stop being clingy in a relationship – find something to spend your own personal time on. If you have your own hobby, you will not constantly need her company. Moreover, when you immerse yourself in your work, she will attract your attention and you will switch roles. Find some interesting or useful activities for yourself to fill in the time you spend apart. This may be a sport, a foreign language, some other hobby or just a meeting with friends. Your partner should not think that calling her is the only occupation of yours. Otherwise, even a kind and good person, that is patient to many things may just get tired of you. Do not adjust to her. The relationship cannot do without a compromise, but do not make senseless sacrifices. Do not force yourself to watch fashion shows, don’t try to force yourself into meetings with her friends, it will be just odd, couple of girls sitting around discussing their own things, and there is you, sitting there, awkward and obsessed, pathetic and clingy. How not to be clingy? Do not impose your care and love on her. She does not need a second mother, who carefully wraps her with a scarf and advises her to wear warm socks. Let her make her own decisions about her life and take care of herself. It is very difficult to define the line between care and obsession with a loving person.
The stormy delight of the first days of love is inevitably replaced by a more even relationship. A more emotional partner sometimes painfully perceives this change, considering it to be a sign of cooling and sometimes, that a relationship is close to an end. Sometimes parental care can become obsessive. Parents cannot believe that their child has already grown and is capable of actions that will not lead to illness or an accident. However, even babies need a certain amount of independence. A healthy 5-year-old child angrily shouts: “I’ll do it myself!” Imposed parental help can be harmful, depriving the kids of the joy of independent creativity. Moreover, this applies to grown children. Do not deny them the right to gain their own life experience, even at the cost of mistakes and deprivations. And that was about children, not adults. Even if little kids need their own personal space, then why should you control a person that is of an equal age to you? Watch her reaction to your conversations. If you like to talk a lot, be sure to watch her behavior. She may not be interested in watching sports, who won and who lost, so change the topic of a conversation to something more exciting Do not require constant attention to yourself. She cannot always confess her love and tell you how much she loves you. She needs time to go about her business, and at this time you go about your own, you do you.