What is non-committal? Well, the dating market is full of non-committal people. You know, some are into finding their perfect match to build up a healthy relationship and marriage, while others are into simple purposeless dating without big plans for the future. The latter are the non-committal people. They may look for casual hookups, for sexual relationship, but you can forget about commitment with them. Needless to say that in most of the cases it would be absolutely useless to propose to them. We rarely get surprised when we hear about a non-committal man, but we are shocked when we hear about a non-committal woman. Let's figure out what non-committal woman is like and how you can date her.
Non-Committal Woman: What's She Like?
It might have happened to you a few times in your life. You meet a girl and you sort of like each other. You start dating, you're having the time of your life and you really feel that she is the one. She is the girl with whom you'd be able to spend the rest of your life. Thus you propose to her and that's the moment when everything seems to go terribly wrong. She either kindly refuses or breaks up with you. Moreover, she tells you that she isn’t into marriage and commitment. Most likely she accuses you in ruining your relationship before leaving. While you may think that the problem is in you, actually you’ve had the experience of dating a non-committal woman.
Signs of a Non-Committal Woman
The main problem with non-committal women is that they don't walk with labels that claim that they are not into commitment. When they go, they are leaving you with a broken heart and a feeling that they've just used you. Of course, you wish that you won’t experience anything like that ever again, but once again, those women are not holding signs that says “I'm a non-committal woman, don't you dare put your ring on me”. Those women are giving you creeps, especially when you've decided to start searching for your perfect match. The idea that the dating pool may be full of women like that makes you throw down your arms and give up. But there are certain traits that can help you figure out whether you are dating a non-committal woman.
1. Body Language
A non-committal woman always keeps the distance in non-intimate moments. It's unlikely that you will walk holding hands on the street or hug each other sitting at the cafe. When you are at the cafe or restaurant, she would prefer sitting opposite to you rather than sitting beside you. The physical distance generally represents mental distance. If you are on the third or fourth or fifth date and she doesn't let you get any closer, despite the fact that you've had sex, then you are most likely to be dating a non-committal woman.
2. Large Gaps Between Your Dates
It goes on and on. You meet, spend some time together, have fun, sleep together and then she leaves and you won't see her in the next week or two. Well, yes, we are living in the very busy age. Why people switched to online dating? Because they didn't have time to search for partners offline. Probably, she's very busy and she's meeting with you only when it is comfortable for her... but, let's be honest, we manage to carve some time out in order to meet with people we like. We like to see people we are interested in as often as possible. She's just not into you, at least for commitment purposes.
3. She Doesn't Return Your Phone Calls
Well, remember the time when you were a non-committal man and not returning phone calls was how to break up with a girl who wanted too much from you? Hope that you are able to do the math.
4. She's Talking About Her Past Relationships
Talking about past relationships is a clear indicator of lack of interest in developing your present relationship. When she's constantly talking about her past relationships and avoids conversations about your relationship, you don't need any other signs, she's not into commitment and your relationship can end very soon.
5. She Breaks It To You
Women are generally more honest than men, and they don't have any problems telling their partners that they should forget about commitment. See, sometimes there is no need in reading signs, she may just say that you should stop even thinking about marrying her in your face. While you may feel offended, such straightforwardness on her side would save you a lot of time and nerves.
Non-Committal Relationships: Why People Prefer Them?
Before you go bragging about how awful non-committal people are and how they spoil your romantic plans and dating experience, we offer you to stop and try diving into the psychology of non-committal daters. Who knows, maybe you are not as ready for the commitment as you think you are. Let's have a more detailed look at why modern people are reluctant to commitment. Believe it or not, the explanation is way more complicated than those casual “I'm just not for love and marriage”-explanation.
1. Career and Free Time
We are no longer living in the age when women are dependent on men. Besides, there is no law claiming that you should marry at a certain age. Thus people are more into building careers. A romantic relationship requires certain responsibilities and a lot of people feel quite uncomfortable with that. You have responsibilities at your work, needless to say that you don't want to take extra responsibilities. You don't have much free time, and you don't want to devote your free time to weekends spent with the boring parents of your partners.
2. Past Experiences
When the 80% of the dating pool is represented by non-committal daters, no wonder that you are going to get hurt. Painful past experiences often lead to the absence of desire to commit. While you were that eager to find your perfect match before, once you got burned, you start thinking that everything is fine just the way it is. You are okay with hooking up from time to time. There is no need to move in together and there is no need to share your everyday life with somebody else.
We fear to commit, as commitment is a very important step in our life. We tend to believe that commitment leads to marriage, and no matter how much we love our partner, we don't want to lose critical perspective. Marriages are no longer obligatory and divorces are no longer forbidden, but the sole idea that something that we put so much effort in can be destroyed kills off all our intentions to commit.
Thus here we are, in the age of non-committal relationships. Non-committal relationship, however, has its own benefits. You spend as much time with each other as you want. You don't have any responsibilities and you are more or less free. Sometimes this kind of freedom can help you cultivate the real love, and your non-committal relationship can change to traditional commitment, but not because you “need to”, but because you want to.
How to Get a Non-Committal Woman to Commit
After learning a thing or two about non-committal relationships and psychology behind them, you can see that nothing is forever. Sooner or later a non-committal person can commit. This gives you hope that a non-commitment woman can be yours. So, let's figure out what does it take for a non-committal woman to change.
1. Don't Talk Directly About Commitment
Want to know how to deal with a non-committal woman? The very first step is to avoid mentioning commitment with her. You may ask her about her plans for the future or talk about yours, but don't even hint that those plans can be mutual. Saying something like “Don't worry, I'm not forcing you to commit. I will wait till you are ready” is the worst thing you can utter. She would understand your plan and leave immediately.
2. Be Interesting
You need to be interesting for her. If you have nothing to offer her except your love and desire to make her commit, you have extremely low chances to win. If you want to be something more than just a guy whom she meets for having fun and casual sex, you need to be interesting. Pick interesting conversational topics. We are living in the digital era, and most likely you've met each other online. Her online profile can give you enough information about what interests her. Using that information you can easily start a conversation that will provoke her interest. The more interesting you are, the higher your chances that she will stay with you.
3. Be Patient
You need to be patient. Regardless of whether it’s her past experience or frustration that made her a non-committal woman, it takes time to make her commit. That's why you need to be patient with her. It may take you years to make her commit. Aside from being patient you need to be sure that she is the one, as if you're not sure, you are most likely to simply waste your time trying to make her commit.
All in all, dealing with a non-committal woman is a painstaking task and you need to understand it. The biggest problem is that it doesn't always rewarding. You need to be ready that despite all of your efforts, she may not commit to you in the end. Still, it doesn't mean that it's not worth trying.