How to Date a Friend’s Ex and Avoid Drama
This woman interests you very much and seems to you very, very nice. They broke up, and you suddenly began to communicate. You unexpectedly understand that you like her terribly, and it looks like you have a lot in common. But most importantly: it looks like she reciprocates you. But there is one little problem – she is an ex of your friend. It would seem that your friend and she are two different people, and nothing binds them but still, it is a bit awkward. So, is it okay to date your friend’s ex-girlfriend and how to do everything right?
Is It Okay to Date Your Friend’s Ex-Girlfriend?
They say that relationships with ex-girlfriends of friends are taboo and breaking it means betraying your friendship. Of course, there is a rational in this: when she dated your friend, he told you about all the quarrels and problems, and it was you who listened to long stories about how painful it was after their breakup. But what if the heart defeated the mind, and you realized that you had fallen in love with this woman?
“And what should I do now? I don’t want to try to find a girlfriend somewhere else. I don’t want to choose! She and my friend are two dear people to me!” - you say, completely not understanding how to behave. Don’t worry. Of course, it will be not easy to organize friendly parties for three at first, but over time, everything can work out, you just need to be patient and clearly follow our advice.
Before You Decide to Date Your Friend’s Ex: Things to Consider
Our life is filled with unspoken rules and attitudes, which we can’t break, especially when it comes to relationships. One of the most common rules is something like this, “You can’t date your friend’s ex.” But what to do if you really have serious feelings for her? All this can be solved if you act thoughtfully, and you don’t even look for someone else, for example, young women seeking men. So, here are the specific tips:
Talk to your friend
In such a difficult situation, you need to talk to your friend. Even if you are afraid of this conversation, sooner or later it will take place anyway. Just imagine how a person can react to the fact that you are dating your friend’s ex, learning about this from someone else. Therefore, be honest and frank with him, try to make sure that he doesn’t think that this is a betrayal on your part.
Analyze your real feelings
Make sure that your feelings with this woman are truly mutual and that you want the same thing. Then discuss how best to tell your friend about your relationship. Even if you are incredibly talkative, it can be one of the most difficult things in the world for you. Pay attention to the fact that you don’t want to lose your friendship, and this will not affect your feelings with the woman in any way.
Consider the reasons why they broke up
Maybe the reasons for the breakup are not clear but, in any case, they are rather important things that gradually destroyed the relationship. As a result, the couple couldn’t cope with their problems, having decided everything by breaking up. If your friend was the initiator of the breakup, then it may well be that the offended woman decided to make the ex-boyfriend jealous of her with the help of you. Or what if she cheated on him? You should have enough information to analyze their relationship and know mistakes that can’t be made.
Be sure your friend got over a breakup
Usually, love flares up in our hearts thanks to another person. When this person leaves your space irrevocably, taking your love, your wings, and your mind, you remain in darkness and loneliness, with a broken heart and an exploded brain. Can you imagine what can be with your friend at this moment if you say that you are dating a friend’s ex? Most likely, you will lose your friend forever.
Decide who is more important for you
You are familiar for a long time with this guy, you are close people, who share joys and secrets, help each other. Are you ready to destroy all this for the sake of a very vague future with this woman? Ask yourself, "Do I really want to start dating my friend’s ex?" But on the other hand, what if she is the woman who can be your wife in the future? Maybe you will quarrel with your friend over something, but she will stay with you? The choice is yours.
4 Most Possible Scenarios
Starting a relationship with a friend’s ex-girlfriend is fraught with many pitfalls. There are a lot of opinions on this in society, but it is not possible to come to a single one. So that your life doesn’t turn into hell, you need to be prepared for the scenarios of future relations between you, your friend, and his ex.
You happily date with a friend’s ex and save your friendship
Probably this is the best option, but it is so difficult to make this real. Firstly, don’t hide your relationship. It is better to immediately admit that you are now together with his ex-girlfriend. Explain in detail why it happened and assure him that you didn’t even look at each other previously. Secondly, you need to tell your friend that you don’t want to lose your friendship. Talk to him heart-to-heart, say that you will not forgive yourself if your friendship ends because of a woman.
You develop your romantic relationships but lose a friend
If the decision was made in favor of a new romance, then such actions are likely to lead to the breakdown of friendly relations. The third-party (in the person of a friend) will feel cheated, and when your new girlfriend and her ex see each other, they will experience some discomfort and even anger. However, if the new feelings are real, and you are powerless to change anything, you should honestly admit this to your friend. And be ready to lose him.
You lose both of them
No matter how close you are but the fact of “my friend is dating my ex” is most often regarded as a betrayal. Put yourself in the shoes of a friend: would you be happy if your best friend started dating ex? Therefore, the risk of losing the respect of a friend is very great. And also you can lose a girl because love can pass over time. Put friendship and relationships on the scales and only then decide whether to admit your feelings.
You try to find love with somebody else and your best friend helps you
Try to find a soulmate among free girls so as not to create unnecessary problems for yourself. If this particular lady doesn’t get out of your head, but you are not going to lose your friend, then consult a psychologist or independently study practices for getting rid of obsessive thoughts and feelings. Over time, you will certainly be freed from emotional experiences, and the situation will improve by itself, that is, you will start looking for a new girl, and your friend will help you with this.
Dating Your Friend’s Ex Tips
Observe certain rules of courtesy to start dating your friend’s ex-girlfriend and save your friendship.
1. Don’t rush things
Even if your friend has given you a formal blessing, you don’t need to run to her and propose. If you are going to be involved in dating best friend’s ex, then you should sit down with him and talk honestly, and no matter how sad and unpleasant this talk will be. Tell him that you appreciate him as a friend, and you will never betray him. Tell him everything about your feelings for his ex. Stay away from the concepts of “sexual attraction to her.” Be kind and considerate.
2. Don’t discuss the details of your relationships
It may not be so comfortable to discuss with other people the details of your personal life with your friend’s ex. You always did it with your friends. But you will have to keep her secrets from him and vice versa. It doesn’t matter how much you like to gossip with your friends, they can certainly do without the details of your intimate life. Leave it for those who don’t know them.
3. Don’t decide for them
For example, if a friend doesn’t want to go to a party where his ex will be, don’t push on him. However, it is also a bad idea to not invite him at all. Let them decide whether they want to communicate at all. Of course, you can communicate with both of them, but they don’t have to do it. If it’s easier for them not to see each other, take the time for each of them individually.
4. Don’t indulge in paranoia
Don’t try to stop them from communicating because you are afraid that they are still attracted to each other. Don’t constantly seek confirmation or refutation of this. Your girlfriend chooses you because she loves you, and not because she is waiting when her ex (that is, your friend) calls her back. Baseless jealousy is capable of poisoning any relationship. Don’t add problems to your life.
5. Don’t get into their relationships
Dating your best friend’s ex, perhaps you are drawn to asking your friend all the details of their relationships. If they want to share the details with you, then, of course, you shouldn’t cover your ears. But remember that your and their relationships are two different things, and if they don’t want to tell something, then you don’t need to ask about it.
For friendship, the situation of “my best friend is dating my ex” can be worse than anything else in this life. But if you explain everything to your friend, and he is able to accept the fact that you and his ex-girlfriend are together now, then your friendship isn’t in danger at all. Just don’t complicate and listen to the wishes of your close people. Thus, you will save the friendship and start dating a good girlfriend.