How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone: Tips for Guys
Obsession is the worst feeling that ruins your life. But when you are obsessed with a woman, especially your ex-woman, you simply can’t live. No, you can, of course, but it’s not a normal life. When you constantly think about her, you can’t adequately perceive the rest of reality. But some people live with such obsession being already in a new relationship, and this is generally a disaster!
What motivates a man to send 100 messages a minute, guard a girl’s door in the pouring rain and destroy all men because they tried to intervene? Obsession! Approximately the same feeling pushes an alcoholic to drink alcohol and forces an addict to search for a new dose of drugs. Obsession over someone is also an unhealthy addiction.
Why am I obsessed with her?
In the early stages of love, you are drunk from dopamine – a substance that is produced by our bodies and is associated with pleasure, strong desire, and even dependence. Tomography of a brain showed that when people look at photos of loved ones, there is a flash of activity in a certain small area of the brain, and you literally bathe in hormones of pleasure. It is a system of rewarding, aimed at creating desires, aspirations, and forcing people to direct energy into the right direction.
What scares is that the same area is responsible for cocaine addiction. Once it is activated and you get a strong motivation to get what you want – whether it is drugs or a loved one. Scientists have proved that romantic love can be just as strong as addiction.
In addition to this, a mixture of hormones is in us, which makes the object of passion and all that is associated with him or her incredibly sexually attractive. Also, this mechanism works vice versa: not only from attachment to sex but from sex to affection. So, we sometimes fall in love with a person with whom we just spent the night.
And yet, the most important thing in love affairs is not chemistry. Contrary to beliefs that sexual attraction in humans occurs due to pheromones, we are led by certain things that we subconsciously look for in a potential partner. Human desire is more related to whom we are looking for and how he or she relates to us than to any combination of smells or hormones.
Some men, however, have crazy love even if girls always let them down, meet with them rarely or men find clues suggesting their infidelity. What is even more insane, the fickle attention of a girl can ignite a love obsession, even in the heart of a well-balanced man. The main reason why healthy, normal love turns into a painful obsession is that someone gives you a share of attention and continues to nurture your feelings, but not enough to make you feel confident in them. The model of the behavior “Yes - No - I don’t know – Maybe” is driving people even crazy. In other words, if you get a love drug in small doses, it only increases dependence.
How to stop obsessing over a girl
Obsessive thoughts about a girl are not normal. They not only influence our work but also undermine the mood. Young men and mature men are asking the age-old question: how to stop being obsessed with a girl? We will try to figure out what to do in a situation where it is necessary to immediately forget a girl.
1. Be honest with yourself
Admit that you are in emotional dependence and this is wrong. Such relationships don’t correspond to your goals if your goals are self-development, personal and professional growth, and self-sufficiency. You should understand that it is time to put an end to these relationships. For support, refer not to the object of your attachment, but to yourself (pray, meditate), to a mentor (a psychologist, a person you trust and who is not emotionally involved in your situation), and look for the resources you need in yourself.
2. Gradually move away from the object of dependence
Spend more time without a girlfriend. Build your schedule in such a way as to see her less often. Let the object of dependence have more freedom; don’t seek to control every step of a girl and ask where she is every minute.
3. Be ready for sorrow and a depressed state
Sometimes getting rid of obsession is accompanied by the same strong feelings as divorce with a spouse. Don’t try to suppress sadness – the faster you survive it and the faster healing comes. Remember, this is a temporary period. It will pass very soon.
4. Find the meaning of life
Do yourself a spiritual search: when you have found the meaning of existence and understand that the source of life and love for one person can’t be in another, it will be much more difficult for you to be tempted by a relationship of dependence. Develop your own persistent philosophy of life, which can’t be destroyed by a breakup with someone.
5. It is necessary to fill your day with entertainments
There are a lot of ways of how to stop being obsessed with someone, but the main thing is not to succumb to the temptation to give up obsessive thoughts. Try to keep thoughts constantly busy, not to give yourself a minute of useless memories, tears, and self-pity. A lot of work, communication, travel, new impressions – that’s what you really need. Attend the gym, buy a dog or go on a long trip. This is a proven way to get rid of obsessive thoughts and memories because your head will be busy with other problems.
6. Don’t follow her provocation
Many beautiful girls are flattered that guys are running after them, that they are ready for any nonsense at their commands. After a breakup, such girls begin to feel a lack of attention because the presence of admirers so amused their pride and allow them to enjoy a sense of their own greatness. To regain a fan, they can periodically appear in your field of vision, as if hinting that further continuation is possible. Don’t be an idiot. If she needed a continuation, you would be together now. Remember this and don’t rush to her, like a trained dog on the first whistle. Especially because girls like inaccessible guys and not such goofs that immediately rush to them. So, don’t flatter their vanity.
7. Find a new girl
The best answer to the question how to stop obsessing over someone is to find another person to love. There are many other beautiful girls. Ask friends to introduce you to someone. Go on a blind date. Who knows, maybe you will meet a girl who will be much better than the one you are trying to forget.
How to stop obsessing over an ex
The stronger feelings you experience, the harder it is to forget the one with whom you break up. Psychologists know that it is impossible to completely get rid of memories and emotionally colored events. Images are stored in a memory of our life and can remind themselves in tens of years. But it is not only possible to make memories less painful, but it is also necessary to protect the nervous system from overloads and start to enjoy life again. So, how to stop obsessing over an ex-girlfriend?
1. Consider why you are in such a situation
Sometimes it seems to us that obsession is the only way to maintain a relationship or have control over the situation. That is, if you think too much and carefully analyze everything, you will be able to establish something or change. But in the end, you just become obsessed: it affects your emotional and mental state, depresses you, and in fact, doesn’t help in the situation. Sometimes obsession happens when you are constantly afraid to say or do something wrong, you are afraid that you will be misunderstood, you come up with the worst scenarios of “what would happen if…”
2. Start looking for a new girlfriend
Do you want to stop being obsessed with your ex? Help yourself and find a new love in order to oust from your heart memories of the one to whom you still have feelings. But to find a girl, you need to be cheerful and sociable. Of course, the pain of unrequited love do its job, forcing you to suffer all the time, but at least try to show that everything is fine with you. And as soon as you become close with another girl, you will less and less remember about your former love.
3. Become a workaholic
Do you have a job? So, give yourself to it so that all your thoughts will be connected with it. Thus, you can forget that unhappy love and improve your financial situation. Get exhausted at work and get tired – it’s right for you because when you come home late at night, you’ll only think about how to get to bed as soon as possible.
4. Spend more time with friends
Visit them more often, go hiking, visit the gym with them because it’s fun together. However, communication should be live. If you are constantly playing games with friends through the Internet, this, let’s say, a kind of rest that can overwhelm you rapidly. It is not the best option.
5. Get rid of any reminders about an ex-girlfriend
Obsessing over an ex, don’t hesitate to break up with everything that makes you think of your past. Yes, those serious relationships are, perhaps, your most vivid period in life, but you don’t need it now. You still have the whole life ahead of you. You are free! You can now build your life from scratch.
6. Improve yourself
In the meantime, you can learn forget people by improving yourself. What is meant by this? Everyone decides by themselves. For someone, it’s a great chance to move up the career ladder because there is a lot of free time. Someone decides to jump off a parachute, go to rafting in kayaks, etc. Moreover, not only time has appeared but also money. So, you can finally make a present to yourself.
7. Don’t worry
It is difficult to cope with your anxiety, but it is very important not to think about a person you love so much. In this state, you look at everything through the prism “What’s wrong with me?”, although everything is fine. And when you think that something is wrong, you behave accordingly. Therefore, if you are struggling with obsession, first of all, get rid of negative thoughts. Try meditation, sleep more, eat well, train. All these banal things help feel better physically, and, accordingly, mentally, give a sense of control over oneself (and not only over your body but also over the mind that you need in the fight against obsession).