Does a man need a woman with a child? Don’t rush to answer immediately and unequivocally: no matter how much people love each other, even insignificant little things can destroy their happiness and relations. In general, people have different attitudes towards the fact that her child will always be in the first place for the mother. And it is up to you to find out how you feel about that. When dating a single mom, problems are coming from where you have never expected them to. You also must know that when a woman has a child from her first marriage or even illegitimate, she behaves differently with men than a woman without a child.
One of the biggest problems with a single mom is the fact that she pays a lot of attention to your wallet size. She may be more responsible, but in her search for a reliable man who can take care of both her and her child, she may go too far. At the same time, she is less demanding of his appearance, but carefully looks at his material well-being and internally one might say paternal qualities.
There are many problems of dating a single mom from a man’s perspective, but the biggest one is the fact that in most cases, she doesn't immediately tell her potential husband that she has a child. The point is a fundamental fear of “scaring off” a man. But her lies scary even more. As you can see, dating a single mom is hard, but there is always a place for a light even in the darkest place. Even though there are many prejudices about dating a single mom, still there are many positive aspects of doing so. Read our article to learn more about problems dating a single mom and ways you can fix those problems.
Things to think about when dating a single mom
The very first thing that you need to realize is that her child is always first for her. While you can win a single girl’s love by paying attention to her, you can’t do that with a single mom. Because in that case, you will have to show how good and loving of a father you can be. Not everyone likes it. For her family, you will be like a savior. But your own parents, friends, and relatives may look at you with a misunderstanding. Everyone in our society has his or her own opinion about dating a single mom. Do you care about what others say about you? If all those problems bother you, then you may try to date women online.
There may be emotional baggage
You can fight against social opinion and every other problem if you truly love this person. Outside problems can never cause as much damage to your relations as problems inside them. Here is what we mean. Once, she had a relationship, probably a happy one, but then, at some point, everything went bad, and she has got divorced. You can never know what really happened until she tells you. Those problems that had destroyed her previous relations may still be there. She may have had psychological trauma and would try to avoid a traumatic experience. It can be anything. She may be distrustful, aggressive, or you may face problems in your sexual life. All those issues are solvable, but this all takes a lot of time and effort. Are you ready to pay those for your future happiness with a single mom? Maybe it is better to browse the girls gallery and find a suitable partner there?
Father might still be around
This may not look like big problems, but this is definitely not something that you want. No matter what caused them to get divorced, her ex-husband will be visiting his children. At some point, you will have to meet him in person, and this may not be the best meeting in your life. Because he may start blaming you in their divorce, or he will begin to manipulate his child to be against you. This is called parental alienation. It is very hard to resolve problems that it may cause. There is always a risk that her old love may appear again. And whom do you think she will prefer, you or the father of her children? This risk is very small, and it depends on how their relations ended up. But still, you won’t get anything good if the father will be around. Therefore, it is better to move to another town away from him, but don’t prevent him from spending time with his children. He has a right to do it.
Discipline is not your business
In your relations with a single mom, you don’t have to discipline her children. It is better if you let her do all the parental work alone unless she asks you to help with something. From one point of view this is absolutely good for you, because you are not bothered much with child’s problems, but on the other hand if you want to marry her and to play a bigger role in her children education, then not being able to feel like a real parent for this child may be disturbing. In any case, if you have any concerns about the way how she raises her children, then you should discuss them only privately. Never discuss your concerns in front of her children. Ask for her permission whenever you want to discipline her children.
It will take a while to become a real family
This problem is one of the complications of dating a single mother with two kids. When you date a single girl, it is only you two need to adapt to one another, and only you two regulate your life. If you both feel fine and happy together, then you can easily marry. But there are problems of dating a single mom, problems that her children cause. They may never accept you not only as their father but also as a person at all. They may begin to hate you because you are “stealing” their mother from them. It will take a huge amount of time to earn their trust and love. You must understand, if you fail to earn her children’s trust, then in 90% of cases she will prefer to break up with you and will stay with her children. You can’t blame her for doing that, because if you were her, you would do the same, but this doesn’t sweeten the pot for you.
Common single mom dating problems
First of all, she is looking for a sponsor to raise her child from another man. If she is desperate, then in the process of searching for a husband, she may throw off the child to her parents and will have a pretty vulgar life. Single mothers also skillfully hide from men their desire to marry them. Usually, they consider each man as a potential husband, so she will try to learn how good, wealthy, and successful you are. As we have mentioned before, this is not a very pleasant process, and sometimes it annoys a lot.
Be especially careful if a single mother is very young. This means that she probably spends her parents’ money, and they are pushing her to get married for a second time as soon as possible. This is why she can’t choose her husband like other people do because she is forced to do it as fast as she can. You may be good prey for such a woman. It is better to avoid dating a young single mom. Probably she has got pregnant by accident and was forced to marry a man she never loved.
Problems in dating single mom
At the beginning of the relationship, we all idealize the partner, and this is completely normal. This is generally a purely hormonal story. The problem is that ideas about perfect marriage are usually superimposed on it, as a rule, having nothing to do with reality. Divorce statistics do not just say but actually shouts to us that there is something wrong with our ideas about marriage. She has already experienced this and failed in her previous relations. She doesn’t need a perfect marriage. This means that she may want to marry almost everyone who is rich enough to raise her children. But on the other hand, it’s easier to create a normal marriage with someone who has no fantasies about the ideal husband. In this case, she won’t be expecting too much from you.
She does not have time to smother you
While dating a single mom, you will never find that suddenly you are not living alone anymore. The awkward moment when your shelf in the bathroom will be filled with anything but your shampoo and shower gel can, of course, come. But the woman will still live elsewhere. Together with her child. Because it is not that easy to squeeze in someone’s life if you have a child. Her children have their own needs, and she will have to satisfy those needs. It means that you will have a lot of free time. Because she will be busy at home. Schools, kindergartens, washing-ironing-cooking are such time-killers. And you at these moments may well be occupied with yourself and your personal affairs. This is good if you don’t want your relations to go too far. But it is not very comfortable if you want to spend more time with her. You may try to offer her your help if helping her doesn’t bother you too much.
Her biological clock is not ticking
When you are dating a single mom, you will never hear that her biological clock is ticking and you have to give birth to a child. Just because she already has a child or two. She went through the whole game and completed the most difficult level: she gave birth to a living person and managed to maintain his or her life. She already has invaluable life-experience, because now she knows what it is like to be a mother. Pregnancy and childbirth are a completed stage. And even if she wants more children, she will not demand them this very second. And this means that you can calmly prepare for future fatherhood. This is a very good thing. You won’t feel guilty because you don’t give your woman what she wants. Parenthood is what almost every girl wants, and a single mom has already experienced it all without you.
She WILL want to have a good time
She gets very tired because she has not only to work, but also to pay a lot of effort to raise her child. She doesn’t have enough time to have fun. But when she finally gets an opportunity to have a good time, she will definitely use it as nice as possible. You can be sure that she knows how to have fun and a good time. She will be glad to spend this time with you. This is one of the benefits of dating a single mother. She loves to have fun, but she knows when it's time to work, and this is a very rare gift nowadays. When you date a single mother, you must fully use occasions when she has free time. You can plan a trip somewhere, visit a couple of restaurants together, or go to the local amusement park. Try to make this time with you special for her, and she will be the happiest girl alive.
She’ll get ready in a jiffy
Every human being wants his or her partner to share the same ideas, hobbies, and beliefs. You can be sure that one of the benefits of dating a single mom is the fact that she will get ready for anything very fast. You make her a proposal? It won’t be a shock for her, and she will easily adapt to this new stage of relations between you. Or you may ask her to travel to the seaside with you. I am sure that she will do that without any problems too. She has really huge life experience, and it is very easy for her to adapt to the new conditions. This can be explained by the fact that she doesn’t have too much free time, and she simply can’t afford to waste her time.
Divorce proves there was at one time a successful relationship
Most mothers who raise a child on their own were once married or had a serious relationship. Still, few decide to give birth "for themselves" from a sperm donor, casual partner, or an old friend. And this means that a woman with a child is ready for a serious relationship. She wanted it, and she will certainly want to be in relations again as soon, as she regains consciousness after breaking up. She knows what it is like to live together and rub against each other. She knows how to find compromises and accept the shortcomings of a partner. She is ready for these difficulties. She knows how cool it is to live together. This simple philistine happiness is familiar to her, and she has already been chosen once. She is ready for this happiness and, most likely, she wants it. And try to prove to me that it is difficult to have a relationship with a woman who knows exactly what she wants.
Is it hard dating a single mom? Oh, yes, it is very hard. Is it worth the efforts? It is up to you to decide. Family and relations are two very personal sides of our lives. There is one rule that you may want to always apply. If you feel that you truly love this girl, then there is nothing can stop you from resolving all problems on your way to happiness. But if you are drowning in doubts, then it is better not to cause pain and disappoint her or yourself.