Everyone knows that we are all different, and when we start relationships with other people, our interests may clash, and a beloved partner turns into the opponent or even an enemy for a while. Of course, some people believe that true soulmates don’t argue or quarrel, but usually, the reality is different. If you are two independent grownups with your worldviews and value systems, then chances are high that you would face arguments in your family life. Ideal relationships do not exist. Each couple builds their manner of communication, behavior and even quarrels.
Just to resolve your conflicts, it is important to learn how to end an argument in time. Almost all conflicts in romantic relationships occur in everyday situations: partners cannot decide who will cook dinner, who will walk the dog, and who will go shopping on the way home. In most cases, people fight because of such nonsense that sometimes it is impossible not to laugh at it. However, is it okay?
Is It Normal When Couples Fight?
Relationships are not always about love, passion and a thrill out of communicating with women looking for men online. At some point, the couple faces inevitable conflicts and disagreements. Different tastes, everyday habits, and preferences can leave an imprint on the relationship. Quite often, it occurs on the stage of moving in together, closer communication and sharing duties. Then lovers can start arguing at times more often due to the most insignificant and stupid reasons. Relationship conflicts are commonplace, especially if you have been dating for more than a month. You will not be able to avoid couples fighting all the time, and you shouldn’t.
Arguments are an integral (and inevitable) part of our life. And no matter how strange it may sound, but quarrels are sometimes necessary and even useful for relationships. If there are no conflict situations in the couple at all, it is a red flag that may indicate serious relationship problems. In general, there is no universal way to live without conflict. A couple will always have topics for discussion, debate, and disagreement. But if you follow rules of argument in a relationship and bear in mind respect for your partner, its consequences will not be so serious and destructive.
Some people try to gloss over grievances and practice silent treatment instead of open confrontation, but such a “cold war” has a devastating effect on both committed and casual relationships. Thus, in fact, this strategy does not work, more precisely, it works oppositely since ignoring undermines relationships from the inside. So, an open fight can be the best way out in certain situations.
2 Categories of Arguments in Relationships
Quarrels and misunderstandings happen in every couple. Sometimes the outbreak of conflict can be justified, and sometimes, its root cause is very stupid. And yes, even the most beloved person can annoy you at times. People are imperfect and will always be late, forget about promises and do another million annoying things. Some couples live in a state of simmering conflict. In such couples, they do not say, “I would like a glass of water,” but they say, “Why do you pour a glass of water only to yourself?” We transfer any small reason for annoyance to another emotional level, where we react not to the situation but our thoughts about it. In psychology, there is the concept of a “trigger,” a situation that provokes negative emotions.
Shallow routine fights
- The toilet seat is up. As soon as a woman enters the bathroom and sees that a toilet seat is up, the relationship is spinning out of control for the next half hour for sure. At the same time, the man does not understand what happened, and why she makes a big deal out of it.
- Mess. Even the happiest families face quarrels when one of the partners once again runs into jeans or a hairdryer in an appropriate place. Especially if the very concept of mess is different for both of you, and you don’t know how to end an argument with your girlfriend about that.
- TV series betrayal. You wanted to watch a new episode of TV series together with your loved one, but you suddenly found out that they had already watched it without you. Moreover, they not only did not maintain fidelity in this regard but also ruthlessly gave you a spoiler.
Serious constructive arguments
- Money. If money doesn’t make people happy, then it definitely makes them have serious arguments. You do not understand how it is possible to spend $500 on shoes that she will put on twice. Financial conflicts are more than fight about money. They can be perceived as a struggle for power.
- Sex. Different people have different libido and needs in sexual intercourse, so one of the partners may need it twice a day, while another feels excitement once a week. Besides, a man may get orgasm much faster, so his woman is constantly unsatisfied.
- Kids. Sometimes it happens that partners play in different teams when it comes to upbringing their kids. They play the roles of good and bad policemen, making each other crazy.
Why You Can't Just Pause a Serious Argument in a Relationship
Almost a hundred percent of couples have difficulty in terms of communication after a year of marriage. This is normal because we are all different, and no one is perfect. The most important thing that can save and make your marriage happy is mutual understanding and respect for each other's interests. The most important thing is to eliminate any causes of misunderstanding and quarrels and reach agreement in fighting over serious topics. Otherwise, you will not be able to build happy and healthy relationships.
Serious arguments bring discord even to the strongest couples, destroying their union from within. Love is a process of mutual learning of good and bright when you can become one team that looks in the same direction. Compromises are an important point in any relationship. People have some shortcomings, habits, preferences which are hard to deal with. However, it is the only way to make yourself and your partner happy. You can't just pause a serious argument and pretend that everything is okay, such an attitude will make the situation only worse and lead to the breakup over time. You should try to find a common language in the issues that are of crucial importance. To understand and accept each other’s position is just half the battle. You should minimize the appearance of such situations and work on your relationships in all the serious aspects. It can be a challenge, but you will not be able to create strong and trusting relationships without it.
How to Stop a Shallow Argument with a Girl: 5 Proper Ways
Modern couples don’t know how to get over fights in relationships even when it’s about some trifles. Most young people prefer to exacerbate the situation, coming up with some “hidden” meaning rather than deal with an issue that torments them right away. Many get annoyed with so many things in their life together over time that everyday misunderstanding turns into a bloody vendetta and a battlefield. Every couple has certain triggers, their pressure points that provoke unpleasant situations. If you think that quarrels are a sign of a toxic relationship, then you are mistaken. If you learn how to stop an argument girl and resolve the conflict, you will get closer, which means that moving forward will be much easier for you. The main thing is to choose constructive methods for meeting challenges.
1. Agree with her
This strategy may sound weird, but you might have seen how it is used in movies many times. When a person disagrees with the other, but they begin to nod and develop the opponent’s thought, bringing it to the point of absurdity, and the person who has started the conflict finally realizes that they were wrong. This phenomenon is called “paradoxical thinking,” which suggests that you can really change someone’s point of view in such a way. Such a strategy will help the girl look at her idea from the other side and critically rethink it. The crucial thing is to talk without the shadow of mockery from your side. Your goal is not to humiliate your girlfriend but stop a shallow argument.
2. Mind your tone of voice
When people start talking in a low voice, they sound more convincing for others, and this phenomenon was confirmed by the study in which about two hundred people participated. It showed that people who deliberately lowered their voice during the debate were perceived by the audience as more influential and trustworthy, and their ideas got many fans. Besides, the researchers emphasized that a natural timbre of voice doesn’t play any role since it's not about how high the tone was originally, just when people lower it, they sound more convincing. So, if you don’t know how to stop an argument with a girl and make her accept your point of view, try to lower your voice and watch her reaction.
3. Use the power of humor
Paradoxically, the main motive of the quarrel is to avoid conflict. Nobody wants to argue, but when the mechanism of resentment starts running, the conflict is gaining momentum. Sometimes it’s easy to stop a shallow argument with the help of a good joke about the subject of the dispute. Thus, you can ease the situation and make you both smile or even laugh. Well, in general, nothing prevents you from complimenting your girlfriend's sexuality when she is angry. It is better to redirect passion to the horizontal position than to continue an unnecessary war. However, you shouldn’t use this method whenever you have an argument because she can get used to it, and your jokes will lose all their power.
4. Touch her
If you couldn’t avoid a quarrel, then it’s time to remember that your touches have a magical effect. Yes, on the one hand, when a girl cannot stop arguing because she is experiencing negative emotions, she doesn’t think about intimacy. Well, maybe she wants to slap you to pour her aggression on you to the fullest. But it’s not a way out. As soon as you feel that the situation is heating up, try to gently touch your girlfriend or hug her from the back, put your palm on her shoulder. Your closeness and physical contact will have a calming effect on the beloved one. She will calm down much faster. In a quarrel, people move away, take a closed position, turn away. And you need to do the opposite, this will help calm down.
5. Agree to make small changes
Well, if you have shallow arguments about the same things all the time, then it’s high time to change this situation dramatically. If you want to stop arguing about these little things, you should either find a compromise or change your habits to not provoke a new portion of negativity from her side. If you love your partner, and you are going to live together further, then it’s better to sort things out and maybe ask her to show you or explain what she wants to see instead. If you agree to work on changing the things that make her mad all the time, and you will really make efforts to make the situation better, you will not have to look for tips on how to stop fighting in your relationship. It’s the best way to end an argument right away.
How to Argue Constructively and Usefully
The life of a modern person is filled with moments when they have to stand their ground or defend their point of view. Sometimes these moments turn into extremely aggressive debates, even though initially it was supposed to be a small argument with sharing opinions. It’s difficult to manage the course of events since such situations take a huge amount of strength. If you want to have a constructive dialogue that will help deal with the issue, pay attention to the below-mentioned tips.
1. Ask yourself a question
The first action you can take when you become a participant of an argument with your beloved partner is to ask yourself, “What do I want to get from this argument?” or "What is my goal in this argument?" This simple question can make you suddenly realize that you have started arguing, having no desire to prove your point of view. And you have just reacted to the provocation out of habit. Unfortunately, many couples get used to communicating in such a way, so they forget how to deal with small issues calmly. You should do your best to give up the habit to argue without a serious reason.
2. Watch your breathing
Breathing is the most important component of a stable state of the human body. “In any incomprehensible situation, breathe deeply,” say psychologists who specialize in complex psychological conditions. The fact is that a uniform supply of fresh air to the lungs is a signal to the brain that everything is fine. That is why, people are recommended to breathe deeply, for example, during panic attacks or in other situations of extreme stress. Three controlled inhales and exhales will allow you to bring the psyche to a more stable state. That means you will be able to evaluate the situation more clearly, pick up the necessary arguments or decide to stop aggressive communication.
3. Change position
If you realize that the argument is getting too harsh, take two steps left or right if you are standing or change a chair if you are arguing at a table. Changing your position in space, you send an inconspicuous signal to the interlocutor that it is impossible to control you. This disorientates them and makes loosen their grip. You should also pay attention to your position in space regarding who you are arguing with. Make it so that you are not opposite each other but side by side. This will help stop the argument. Indeed, in this situation, it is difficult to sort things out or remain involved in tough quarrels.
4. Stop accumulating resentment, glossing over negativity
The main mistake of many partners lies in their unwillingness to understand the situation. They are driven by fear to break the fragile harmony of feelings. However, glossing over disagreement or annoyance, they do not help their future. On the contrary, they accumulate negative feelings that risk exploding at the most inopportune moment. Then the quarrel will become even more epic and painful, with the recall of all the screw-ups. Wouldn't it be easier to deal with minor misunderstandings right away by discussing your anxiety with a partner and looking for compromises? Preventive discussion is better than healing chronic wounds, so it's not always worth trying to avoid an argument.
5. Put off the argument till tomorrow
This advice sounds weird, but it is effective! The fact is that most quarrels happen in the evening when both partners come back home after a hard day at work. Usually, they are tired and hungry. Their desire to find out everything right away is obvious. However, this is a bad idea because both of you are on edge, and it’s hard for you to control yourselves. So, you risk overdoing it. You can avoid it if you go to bed early, leaving the solution to the problem for tomorrow. Both of you may calm down during the night, gain strength and look at the argument with a clear head. It happens that in the morning, the conflict seems too small and unimportant, so everything becomes great by itself.
6. Stop filling in the blanks
The basic mistake of many partners is that they are embarrassed to share their thoughts and feelings. They are afraid to seem weak or look stupid. Alas, when your brain doesn’t have enough information about something, it begins to come up with motives and fill in the blanks. This leads to mistaken conclusions because we interpret the behavior of the partner incorrectly. Well, how do you know what another person thinks and how they treat the problem? Do not make a classic mistake. Do not escalate and bring the situation to absurdity. The best way out is to ask directly what is bothering you and put an end to all anxieties.
7. Remove the word “must” from your vocabulary
Of course, living together implies responsibility for each other. Both partners have commitments that make them the main assistants and partners in crime. On the other hand, you shouldn’t believe that your partner is obliged to do everything you want. Such belief is destructive because it explains love from a position of coercion, control, and limitation. The partner does not owe you anything, they are with you because they want it. If you want to avoid arguments, it is better to replace the word “must” with something more suitable. For example, instead of, “You must help me” say, “It’s great when you take care of me, I won’t manage without your help!”
Fight to Become Better and Get Closer
Conflicts and disputes per se do not jeopardize relationships. Happy couples can solve problems and move on. They focus on reaching an agreement, rather than attacking and defending. Even when partners are angry, they are still emotionally close, and quarrels give them a chance to identify weaknesses and “cure” them. All couples have arguments, but only successful couples do that constructively. Do not be afraid of your feelings! Even if the conversation turns into a scandal, you have better chances to become closer and dearer to each other! It’s better to “let off steam” from time to time than hiding your anger, irritation, and indignation, keep everything to yourself and be unhappy.